and you said cock pushups were impossible
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
