But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
