how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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