I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
