I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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