My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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