then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Boobs speak an international language.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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