Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
