You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize