Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
