Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
