HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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