happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
