if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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