he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my being single is dangerous.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
