eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
