Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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