is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
