I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
