I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
