This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
