First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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