I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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