planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
