Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
