You're so nebulous sometimes
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There r osticjed everywhere
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
