Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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