i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
