I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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