Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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