He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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