Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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