my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
