I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
