you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize