There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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