I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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