i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize