Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
