How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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