Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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