walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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