Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
