i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
