After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
