Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
