sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
did you just send me my own nude
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
