I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
