I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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