let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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