dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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