I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize