Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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