There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
