ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
