Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
