oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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