Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
