I CAN MOONWALK!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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