So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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