Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
