you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
