Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
