took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
