All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
