im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
