At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize