I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
