all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
