I'm so fucking centered right now
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
