he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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