dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
