dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
