I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
