We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
