Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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