i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
