i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
