How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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