Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
