I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
