Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize