You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
