It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
