I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he thought i was a dude.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
