Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
