he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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