No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
