My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
