it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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