I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
