she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
