So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
