You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
