I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
