I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
