Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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