Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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