life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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