I want to stick my p in your. b.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
