Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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