I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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