I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
