i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
