There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My ass is underappreciated
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize