i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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