he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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