I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
